LOOKING BACK...It is impossible to forget that first sensation of a new romantic lead’s fingertips against my skin, when a graze of the palm was enough to send chills straight from my hair follicles to my kneecaps – which evidently buckled under the intensity of it all. The rush I got upon witnessing the spontaneity of an admirer’s embrace, his kiss, his over-the-top-only-in-the-movies gestures. Yes, these past performances are all well and good to look back on with a secret smile on a cold, bleak and far less thrilling winter’s day, but as I ponder the idea, I’m more and more convinced that this is precisely where those feelings belong and should stay.
I’m sure I’m not the first, nor the last to mistakenly try to recapture a fleeting series of moments, whether it be via a former fling or our own branded version of “unfinished business.” Inevitably, what we are often met with are those sharp disappointing revelations that “no, he isn’t the guy I remember from three years ago,” and ” ….wait the music and the atmosphere are definitely not as utterly perfect as they were last time,” and my least personal favourite realization of all, ” shit this is all wrong and disgustingly desperate.”
A major problem we hopeless romantics have is that we harp on what could have been. What I have come to learn (through painful repeat offenses) and accept is that these wonderful, impossible-to-recreate moments with these impossibly charming men are meant to be a kind of Fond Memory Reserve, like a savings account that we let accumulate and earn interest… This stock pile of bliss should be retreated to when we need a little mental cheering up, maybe some “inspiration,” a nice story to tell the girls on those neverending bare-your-heart-and-soul coffee get-togethers.
Don’t be the girl that chases the fantasy, because that’s what it ultimately becomes. It may or may not have been a fiction then, but if you try to claw at it, the whole lovely experience of it all may dissolve and cheapen, like a faux silver bracelet that goes copper after the first wear. You’re better off placing that trinket in a pretty little box and taking it out to look at every now and then.